Not Perfect, Not a Problem

In today's post I'd like to talk about compassion. I'm not referring to compassion for a dying friend or for a friend who's puppy just died. Most people are good at those and thus those don't need much attention.

I'm talking about everyday compassion, about having a compassionate outlook all the time (or at least most of it) this is much harder to do. Our culture (well at least mine (North American)) doesn't value this type of compassion, or if it does only in certain limited context, like expecting people in religious or caring fields of employment to practice it, at least while they are "on the job".

For many, including myself, we have fallen so far from this being a daily way of life that we even fail to be compassionate with ourselves. Berating ourselves as stupid or worse for even small and very human transgressions. I think we should all take a step back, take a breath, and decide to embrace our humanity and the humanity of others.

We are all human, we are all of us imperfect and fallible. Accepting this about ourselves and others doesn't make us weak or a push-over or any of the other negative messages that are often applied to people that respond to the world from a place of love and compassion.

In fact I would say that it takes a lot more strength to approach the world from a place of compassion and love then it does from a place of anger and intolerance. It's much easier to blame, shame, and ridicule then it is to try to understand all the factors that lead to a person making a particular choice, seeing their humanity, and accepting that they and the world are not perfect, and because of that my/your/our needs may go momentarily unmet.

I also think that our choice in wording is important to making the change to living a more compassionate life. There is a world of difference in wanting a "perfect" surgeon ad wanting a "competent" one. The first option leaves no room for her humanity, the second does. And don't we all want a surgeon with some humanity?

I've been told that it is much harder for people to be compassionate for themselves then for others. And I believe it. It is something that I constantly struggle with. But I'd like to suggest that as a very good way to practice. Next time you or I forget where we put our wallet or car keys instead of beating ourselves up we should take a breath, realize that we are human and fallible, that the missing keys or wallet is not a sign of our stupidity but rather an integral part of our humanity. Accept that we'll have to look for them and we may be a bit later then we thought or wanted to be. Forgive ourselves our humanity and move on.

I'm not suggesting that every error or grievance should just be passed over with a quick "la la la, whatever". People need to be responsible for their mistakes and how they impact others. People should strive to do better. But we can choose to understand their situation and approach the difficulty with compassion instead of being annoyed, dumping our vitriol upon them and not really helping them or the situation. So I say, be that surprising person for someone today. If your barrista, banker, or co-worker drops, the ball, put aside the anger and frustration, and instead say something like "Hey, we are all human, it happens, let's see what we can do to fix it."

I can't be perfect, but I can be compassionate.

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